lazlo_sez_mep (lazlo_sez_mep) wrote in rockbottom,

im in here now

as i dont feel like telling anybody i know, bieng a complete waste of my time and breath...i feel that it is a good idea to join this community(which i have).. im 15 and a male.. and until today i was number 3 on my cross country team.. and i was happy until a few days back.. when i decided to stop lying to myself and just admit it to.. at least myself.. that there realy is no point anymore.. not in trying, not in caring.. just.. nothing.. and it is actually quite good,. i can do anything i feel like and feel no bad about it, and since there is no good.. im just,.. there.. o well.. today i took hot glue and just pored it on my hand as a crowed of people watched.. nobody cared.. until later when taht one special person saw.. but that is another problem of mine.. her.. it just canmt work.. and i want it to.. for there to be a chance.. but seing as how it wont.. and there isnt.. .. i am causing great pain, emotional, to myself, to keep her from any.. im so sad... o well.. must be going to loook for other "stuff" to do. ill just use the burns on my pain, no victory.over ones self
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